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Bozo criminal for today comes rom St. Lucie, Florida, where bozo Melissa Mayes heard the call of nature and pulled her car over to the side of the road. She was pooping beside the car when a police officer drove by. Oops. And when he decided to run a quick check on the license plate, he found the vehicle was stolen. Double oops. She’s been charged with indecent exposure, driving without a license, and felony car theft. And did we mention that there was a rest stop only six miles down the road?

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manatee, Florida, where bozo Roger Cain had only been out of jail for about a month when he walked into a convenience store and began shoplifting items. As he was stuffing the items into his pockets, he noticed a clerk watching him. He spun around and said “Why are you watching me?” It was the next thing he did that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He reached into his pocket and pulled out…his hand, and made a pointing gun motion with it in the direction of the clerk. Unfortunately for him a deputy walked into the store at just about the same time. He’s been charged with attempted robbery.

Bozo criminals for today come from San Antonio, Texas. Our bozos thought they were completely prepared for their convenience store heist. Masks to cover their faces, check. Weapons drawn, check. Rehearse their speech demanding cash, check. Make sure you’re familiar with how to operate a weapon, um…no. As one of our bozos gestured with his gun, it accidentally went off, frightening both our bozos who immediately turned tail and ran. There were no injuries and the police hope to make an arrest soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Massachusetts, where police Officer Matthew Lane walked into a convenience store and purchased a bag of chips and a pack of chewing gum. When the officer placed the gum on the counter, he turned to talk to his partner and that’s when bozo Denie Allen sprang into action. Our bozo grabbed the pack of gum and attempted to walk out the door with it. Not surprisingly, he didn’t make it. And it was even less of a surprise that he was found to be in possession of illegal drugs. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Xenia, Ohio, where bozo Hanson Parker walked into a convenience store and asked the clerk for a 59-cent Black and Mild Cigar. The clerk responded that to purchase the cigar, he would have to show an ID to prove he was of age. Our bozo complied, and, after getting his smoke, pulled out a handgun and demanded money from the register. He got away with $72, but didn’t get very far, thanks to the information on his ID, which the clerk gave to the cops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Macedon, New York, comes the story of bozo Jeff Lamar who decided to steal a 26-foot box truck. But, once he got it, he wasn’t sure exactly what to do with it. So, he drove it to a nearby sand pit and then stole a large piece of construction equipment, which he used in an attempt to bury the truck in the sand. Police received a tip that something strange might be going on at the sand pit and a police helicopter flew over and videotaped the whole thing. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Stockholm, Sweden, where our unidentified bozo was fed up with speeders on the street near his home. So, he did something that obviously seemed to be a good idea at the time. He used his Twitter account to ask the police to set up a speed trap to catch the speeders. And it worked, maybe too well. The very next day the cops were set up and who should they catch speeding but our very own tweeting bozo. He was given a ticket for $358.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Abbotsford, British Columbia, where cops were called to a disturbance at a car wash. What the cops found when they arrived was certainly not what they were expecting. They found three soaking wet and naked bozos standing at the exit of the facility. Apparently they had gotten drunk and decided it would be fun to ride a shopping cart through the wash’s “super typhoon” cycle. The police decided the whole experience was punishment enough. They were released with only a stern warning not to try it again.

Bozo criminals for today come from Vero Beach, Florida, where a man and woman bozo team entered a residence at 2:30 am. It wasn’t exactly a stealthy break in; in fact they made enough racket that they awakened a neighbor who called the cops. When the police arrived, they found our bozos relaxing on the front porch. When the officer asked for identification, the woman instead removed her top, revealing a poem tattooed on her bare breasts. After informing her that what she was showing wasn’t her ID, the officer placed them both under arrest for disorderly conduct.

Bozo criminal for today from Okaloosa Island, Florida learned the hard way that “Finders Keepers” does not necessarily apply to Bozos. It seems bozo Carlos Ortega found a pair of keys on the floor of a nightclub. Instead of turning them in to the manager, our bozo walked out into the parking lot and used the car’s wireless entry key fob to locate the vehicle. He then climbed in and drove to a nearby strip club to celebrate his good luck. Bad idea. The owner of the car, after discovering her keys had gone missing, called the cops. They quickly staked out the car in the strip club parking lot and, when our bozo walked out, he was busted! And did we mention that in addition to being charged with grand theft auto, our bozo was also found to be in possession of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Varmland, Sweden, where an unidentified bozo didn’t exactly break into a home. In fact, he never actually entered it. He just stole the home’s front door, taking it off its hinges and loading it on top of his car. And that’s when his troubles began. The homeowner was returning home from work and he noticed what looked an awful lot like his front door on the roof of our bozo’s car. His suspicions were confirmed when he arrived home and saw a gaping hole where his front door used to be. The cops were called and our bozo door thief was quickly tracked down. Not only did he have to return the door, the judge ordered him to re-install it.

Apropos of nothing… The amazing Drunk Guy Sings Bohemian Rhapsody In The Back of a Police Car video.

http://youtu.be/fqymcJRSbxI

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 66354: Don’t text, eat and drive. Our bozo for today from Kennewick, Washington, stole a pickup from the yard of a residence. Now, as you might understand, a bozo can work up quite a hunger stealing a car, so as soon as he hit the road, our bozo pulled out a croissant sandwich and enjoyed a tasty meal. And what fun is stealing a car if you can’t text someone to brag about it? That is just what he was doing, eating and texting, when he ran his new vehicle into a ditch. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado, where bozo Susan Cain was dismissed from jury duty after she feigned mental illness before the judge. Only problem, she isn’t really suffering from the disorder she claimed to have. And an even bigger problem…she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. She went on a talk show on KOA in Denver and bragged to the host that she had faked the illness to get out of serving on the jury. Bad idea. Someone from the District Attorney’s office happened to be listening and reported her story to the cops. She’s been charged with felony counts of perjury and attempting to influence a public servant.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Brunswick, Georgia, where our unidentified bozo was attending court to seek battery charges against her son-in law. It was while she was waiting for her turn before the judge that an uncontrollable bozo urge came over her. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, she removed every stitch of her clothing, including her shoes and, while another case was being heard, stood up and said, “I want to plead not guilty.” The judge quickly ruled that she was out of order since there were no charges filed against her. She was covered up, placed under arrest and escorted from the courtroom.

Our bozo criminal for today from Wesley Chapel, Florida, just wanted to check his Facebook without being bothered. Bozo Doyle Harper says his wife kept talking and sitting right next to him and he just wanted a little peace and quiet. So, at the end of his rope, he did what any bozo would do. He called 911. The police, while sympathetic to his problems, explained that the 911 line was not to be used for that purpose. He was charged with misuse of 911 and now has 60 days of peace and quiet in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Southington, Connecticut,  where our unidentified bozo thought he would take advantage of the high prices for scrap metals.  So he broke into a local facility and was in the process of loading about 700 pounds of metal on to his truck when things went terribly wrong.  He accidentally made a “pocket dial” call from his cell phone.  And the call went to…911.  He’s busted!

Our bozo criminal for today teaches us that it’s not safe to drive drunk anywhere, not even at a hockey rink.  From Apple Valley, Minnesota comes the story of bozo Joel Brown who had a few drinks at home before driving to the ice rink, where he worked as the Zamboni operator.  Police were called to the arena after reports of a man driving the ice-smoothing machine erratically and running into the boards when trying to negotiate a turn.  After failing a breathalyzer test, our bozo was charged with drunken driving.

As anyone who has ever had to sit through bad karaoke knows, it can be hard to take, but our bozo for today added a complete new level of uncomfortableness.

From Melbourne, Florida, comes the story of bozo Jeffrey Taylor who was taking part in karaoke night at the local Applebees when, in a moment of bozo inspiration, decided to add stripping to his repertoire.

He began removing his clothes as he continued singing. Fortunately for his audience, the manager was having none of it and he tried to stop him. Our bozo wasn’t willing to take no for an answer and a fight ensued, with the police being called and our bozo charged with battery and disorderly conduct.